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When Terri Loughman was diagnosed with high-functioning autism in her twenties, she was told she wouldn’t make a good mother.

By the time she reached adulthood, Terri had experienced more trauma than most people in her entire life, and severe mental health issues had plagued most of her early life.

Her autism means she finds it hard to recognize other people’s emotions, and doctors feared she wouldn’t be able to make a proper connection with a newborn baby.

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But after years of fertility issues, in 2021, Terri and her partner Nikki welcomed their baby daughter Riley into the world.

At first, Terri, now 39, feared that the doctors might have been right. She struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts, fearing that she would not be able to provide the care her daughter needed.

But thanks to the incredible support she received from an organization in Manchester, she and Riley now have an incredible bond.

Terri now wants to share her story to bring hope to other women with mental health issues and to show why the help of Sure Start centers across the country is so vital.

“I was formally diagnosed with autism in 2012 and my psychiatrist used to say that I couldn’t have children because of my mental health problems,” she told MEN.

“In 2014 they assigned me another support worker and she told me that with the right support she thought she could be a mother. My partner does not have any mental health problems and she had the right to be able to have a child.” also.

“Autism is a spectrum and everyone falls differently on that spectrum. I’ve always wanted a baby since I was a teenager, but never thought it would be possible.”

In October 2021, Terri became pregnant with their daughter after the couple underwent IVF. Her fertility journey took over eleven years, during which time she experienced further trauma, including the loss of several friends to suicide.

After Riley was born, Terri realized that being a mother was not going to be easy for her. “Being autistic, I didn’t realize that she had been living in a bubble,” she said.

“When I had my daughter, all my routine and everything I knew just disappeared. I started to spiral into depression and not bond with my daughter, and I was really struggling to the point where I wanted to take my life.”

“I was referred to early help outreach services through the Sure Start centers. I think if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be here now.”

Sure Start centers provide help and advice on child and family health, parenting, money, training and employment across the country. The centers have been widely praised for helping to give children ‘the best start in life’, but funding has been cut in recent years.

Terri was assigned her own community worker named Becky, at a Sure Start center in Manchester, who helped her build a bond with her daughter.

“At a time when I felt lost and it was hard to adjust to change, she was reassuring, supportive, and giving me time to work on things, helping me learn skills to care for Riley and myself,” Terri said.

Through Sure Start, Terri was able to participate in the classes, and Becky and the team helped her adjust so she was comfortable being alone with her daughter.

“I started to feel like I was getting back into a routine and this is crucial for someone with autism,” she said. “Actually, I’ve also made a couple of friends.

“Becky’s genuine and caring character has helped me stay afloat when I felt like I was drowning and being able to attend the groups has given me a safe place to go with my daughter.

“I could have ended up in the hospital or taking my own life, but now I love my daughter and have feelings for her which can be very difficult for people with autism.

“She doesn’t know that I have mental health issues, but if those services didn’t intervene, my daughter might not be thriving like she is now.”

Terri, who lives with her partner in Hulme, recently went back to work part-time, something she never saw as a viable option due to her autism and caring for a young child.

“I do two hours a night at a lawyer, which isn’t much, but for me it’s a big step,” he said. “The plan for the future is that the Sure Start center is going to see if I can start volunteering there.

“They gave me the hope I needed. I feel so much love and happiness for my daughter. I am no longer just a mental health patient, they have given me hope.”

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